Chuck

Apparently, I have been living under a rock. Before this weekend, I had never heard of Chuck Norris Facts. Have you?! They're hilarious. We were playing a card game with my family when all of a sudden my brothers started telling us a bunch of Chuck Norris jokes. I laughed so hard. I thought they were so funny I had to look up some more today. Here are some of my favorites. 

1. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. 
2. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris. 
3. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live. 
4. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. 
5. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
6. If you opened a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris would jump out.
7. Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet. 
8. Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime. 
9. Harry Potter didn't really kill Voldemort. Chuck Norris did.  
10. Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience. 
    
11. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him. 
12. Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake. After three days of pain and agony the rattle snake died.  
13. Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cow and the butter just comes out.
14. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as giraffes.
15. There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives. 
16. Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
17. Chuck Norris doesn't get sunburned. Because the sun wouldn't dare.
18.  Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia; fear of tight spaces is called claustrophobia; fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.
19. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
20. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. 

HIL.ARIOUS. Chuck Norris is the man! And just because I felt like reminiscing, I looked up the theme song to Walker, Texas Ranger. I grew up watching this show (anybody else?) and hearing this song reminded me of all those times getting together with my extended family on weekends, hanging out, watching TV, and eating popcorn while the adults played Dominoes. Ahhhh, good times.
 

Walk MS

On Saturday morning, Brandt and I drove down to Salt Lake City to participate in Walk MS Utah, a fundraiser sponsored by the National MS Society to help raise funds for Multiple Sclerosis research.  One of our best friends lost his father to this disease six years ago and put together a team in his honor.

Craig Jones was one of the kindest, most genuine people I've ever known. He was my bishop as a kid and I remember how important he made everyone around him feel. Even as a kid, I felt like I was important to him. It didn't matter who you were, what your status in the church or community was, he was friends with everybody. I have great memories from my childhood of hanging out with the Jones' and other family friends and going on camping trips with them in the summer. I think, in a lot of ways, Craig was influential in my dad's activity in the church during that time. One of the comments made by a good friend speaking at his funeral has really stuck with me - he said that Craig never had time for TV, books, movies, etc. because he preferred to spend his time with people. He fought MS for ten years before the disease finally took him. And even during that time, he continued to be such an example to me and everyone around him. He was always so positive and did his best to continue living life to its fullest even though his body was deteriorating. I am so grateful that I had the opportunity of knowing such a great man. It was great to participate in this event in honor of him.

Go Craig's Crew!

We had about 55 people on our team. It was so much fun to get together with so many of our good friends that we haven't seen in quite awhile.

Some of our besties from left to right: Abram (our ring leader for the day), Whit Ro., Cade, Tom, Brandt, Whit B., Me, Ali, and Aaron

 

 

 

Abram designed our shirts, which I thought were perfect since Craig was in construction.  We met at the Gateway Mall and then proceeded on a three-mile walk around downtown Salt Lake. I think the funnest part for us was just walking with our friends and catching up with what everyone has been up to. We got lucky with the weather; we had heard there was a high probability it would snow, but it held off until we were done walking which was great.

Afterwards we grabbed some lunch with our besties and then walked around the mall a bit before heading home. It was such a great day. I'm so glad we were able to make it and spend time with such good people.  Brandt and I both feel pretty lucky to have been blessed with such great friends.

On a side-note, after we came out of the restaurant, we saw they were doing a fashion show at the Lucky Brand store. And guess who was there?!

Tim Gunn!

We stopped and listened to his thoughts on the results of this last season of Project Runway (apparently he wanted Mondo to win?).  Doesn't he look dashing? I bet he thought we were pretty fashionable in our sexy orange T-shirts (although Brandt says he saw him cringe when he looked our way).

That Sly Easter Bunny

Brandt and I don't really get into the commercial side of Easter. If we go home for the holiday, our families always put Easter baskets together for us and we figure that's good enough. This year, since we weren't going home I thought it would be fun to surprise Brandt and put together a little somethin' somethin' for him. He loves candy (treats of any kind, really) but we rarely buy any, so I thought this would be a fun surprise. Little did I know how difficult it would be to pull off. I had to jump several hurdles to get this accomplished:

 Hurdle #1: I go to work...then come home. That's my life. If I ever go anywhere else, Brandt comes too. And Brandt knows my work schedule well enough that I didn't know how I was going to go to the store without him knowing it (I couldn't lie and say I was going to get, say, hairspray, because he would beg to come along - see Hurdle #2 below). Well, Tuesday morning, I went to work, saw ONE patient at 8:00, and the rest of my morning patients canceled on me. No joke. It was ridiculous. So I was done by 9:00. But it ended up working in my favor because I was able to get to Target and buy my goodies while Brandt thought I was at work.

Hurdle #2: Brandt rarely leaves the house. It's kind of sad, really.  He goes to school online and doesn't start his summer job for another couple of weeks. And he's always there waiting for me in the living room when I get home from work. So how could I get my bag of goodies into the house without him seeing? That was going to be tough. I figured I would walk in without my bag, and if by some small miracle he was upstairs, I would dash back out to the car, grab my bag, and stash it somewhere before he came gallavanting down the stairs to greet me. 

No go. He was sitting on the couch working on his laptop when I got home. Crap. I shut the door, defeated. I'd have to figure out how to get my bag in the house some other time.

Hurdle #3: Brandt rarely leaves the house. AND he rarely leaves my side. Remember the post I did for his birthday? One of the things I said I love about Brandt was this:

"He follows me around the house. Seriously. If I'm downstairs he'll come down just to be with me. If I'm upstairs on the computer, he'll bring his laptop into the same room just so he can be near me. It's funny, and only a little odd, but I think it's cute. I get sad when I think there may come a day when he doesn't do that anymore - I hope it never happens."

Well, I didn't think it was so cute anymore. How was I supposed to put his basket together with him following me around everywhere? That was going to be tricky.

Well, the stars must have aligned perfectly for me because that night, Brandt wanted to go to the gym, and I just wasn't feeling it. I told him I was tired and wanted to stay home. Usually, his response would have been to stay home and work out with his stuff I got him last year for his birthday. But he shocked me and said he would go without me. Sweet! I'll just wait until he's gone, then go get my bag out of the car and get to work! It'll be perfect!

But wait!!! He'll want to take the car to the gym! The Blazer is a piece of hud, so of course he's going to take the Equinox. I'm going to have to get my bag out before he leaves.

So as soon as he went upstairs to change his clothes, I yelled, "I'm going to go get the mail," then made a mad dash to the car, grabbed my bag, ran to the mailbox (because he'd probably ask what mail we got), and hurried back to the house and stashed my bag under the stairs. Less than a minute later, he came downstairs, kissed me goodbye, and trotted off to the gym.

Phew! Close call. That was too stressful for me. It's no wonder I don't try to surprise him more often. Who would have thought putting together a dinky Easter basket would be so much work? I shakily sat down and put his basket together and stashed it behind the crock pot in the kitchen. And there it sat for the next five days.

Easter morning dawned and I had decided to make him hunt for his basket. I remember my mom doing this for us when we were kids, but she never hid them very hard (we had short attention spans), but I remember Jill telling me her mom used to hide their baskets really good - I remember her saying one year she searched for over an hour for hers (poor thing), so I figured this would make it more fun. So that morning I put a bright yellow plastic egg on Brandt's alarm clock so he'd see it first thing (even doing that was stressful because he is an extremely light sleeper. Just walking over to his side of the bed woke him up, but at least he was out of it enough that he didn't realize what I was doing). So as soon as he was fully awake, he saw the egg, got excited about it, and started eating the candy inside. He thought that was it. So I said, "maybe this means the Easter bunny left you a basket somewhere." So, just like a little kid on Christmas morning, he jumped out of bed, threw his clothes on, and dashed downstairs to where he thought he would have a basket sitting on the couch (I guess that's what they did in his family - the Easter baskets were in plain site on the couch on Easter morning). He came back upstairs, disappointed. I then said, "you know, sometimes the Easter Bunny thinks he's funny and hides the baskets - maybe you should look a little harder." So his grin returned and he dashed off to search for his basket.

I figured it would take maybe a good 30 minutes of looking before he found it. I thought it would be fun. Boy, was I wrong!! There was one thing I didn't count on: Brandt has ZERO patience when it comes to food. In every other aspect of life, he is as patient as can be. Far more so than I will ever be, that's for sure. But after just FIVE MINUTES of searching, he started to get irritated. Which is funny because he wasn't even looking that hard. Short attention span I guess. He actually opened the cupboard where it was hidden TWICE without seeing it (Heaven forbid he move the crockpot and look BEHIND it). The hunt wasn't turning out quite like I had expected. After eight minutes, I could tell he was getting upset. So I started giving him hints ("You're getting colder, now warmer, WARMER!" Seriously, he's such a child sometimes :) bless his heart). After just ten minutes of semi-valiant searching, he had his basket!

Don't let that grin fool you. He was quite the stinker about the whole thing. Lesson learned: Don't kid around when you tell Brandt you got him treats, just give it to him. 

He must have felt a little guilty afterwards because he did share some Reese's Pieces and Honey-Roasted Peanuts with me. What a guy. We watched "Despicable Me" that night - it was pretty funny! (the other movie is a Discovery Channel documentary on the T-Rex - seriously, he's a little boy at heart). All in all I think it was worth it. A bit stressful pulling it off, but it was fun to surprise him.

Hope you all had a Happy Easter!

The Bed Post

So the other day, a Sunday morning, Dani and I are sitting in bed relaxing. (Side note, our bed is up on seven inch risers so that we can store items underneath. See Exhibit A)

Exhibit A

We don't have church until 1:00 which allows for copious amounts of free time. Yes, I used copious. Earlier that morning I had heard a crack from my side of the room. Not sure what it was, I ignored the sound. An hour later Dani and I are sitting in bed, her reading and me browsing the internet, when we hear another, louder crack.

"Is our bed breaking?" She asked.

"No," I said, "I heard that noise earlier, must be something else." Yes, must be something else...

-short pause-

We hear another sound, not a crack, more of a slow creaking, like a tree bending in the wind. Or, maybe, a bed breaking. Pick whichever metaphor you will. In a split second I feel myself beginning to sink. Like a nimble cat I leaped from the bed just in time for it to come smashing down...but only on my side. (See Exhibit B)

Exhibit B. Yup, just on my side. Kinda like one of those hospital beds, kinda. Please disregard all the junk, Dani's side is much cleaner.

I look over at Dani, sitting proudly up in the air, she has a shocked and confused, slightly angry expression. "Did you just break our bed?" She asks. I say nothing, but investigate the damaged. "Yup, I broke it." I said. "Well not the whole bed, only the seven inch riser that supports it." (See Exhibit C)

Exhibit C. Notice the bed went smashing right down through the middle of the support.You will also notice scriptures, a toy helicopter, Idaho State Fishing Rules and Regulations, and textbooks giving you a brief glimpse into my daily routine.

*Sigh* I am fat :( Yet, even as I write this, having just finished cooking a batch of cookies and licking the chocolate off of my fingers, I feel no remorse. I don't blame myself (who does?). I blame the man...the man who made those supports. Yes, it is not me, it is them. Definitely, it is them.

Happy 25th Birthday Dani!

Today is my wonderful wife's Birthday! Since she did such a kind post full of lies for my big 2-5 I thought it only fair to return the favor (without the lies of course). So here it goes, 25 reasons I love Danielle:

1. She is smoking hot and crazy sexy! Enough said.

2. She is funny! You've read her posts, you know it's true. 

3. She is a great cook. I never had to experience that Kenny Chesney "eating burnt suppers the whole first year" thing. She has always been good and it keeps getting better.

4. She keeps the house looking good. She works hard all day long to bring home the bacon and then comes home and cooks it too. Or in this case, works to clean the house even after a hard day of work.

5. She is supportive. I have some crazy dreams and wishes, but she has never once made me feel that I couldn't accomplish them. She encourages me everyday. 

6. She genuinely cares for other people. I have never known anyone with as pure a heart as my wife. She can be shy at times, but that does not stop her caring for others.

7. She works hard. She worked very hard all through school to get a well-earned degree and now gets to put that hard work into a hard working job. She is a tough little lady!

8. She is my Sugar Mamma. As mentioned, she brings home the bacon while I am going to school and working summer jobs. But she pours the sugar on me as well. She always makes me feel loved.

9. She is my best friend. We get along so well and are completely comfortable with each other. I can tell her anything without feeling judged.

10. She's concerned about me. Especially my health. She makes sure I ration my food intake and get to the gym. I may complain, but I know it is out of love and for the best...I think :)

11. She is creative. She may say otherwise but it is true, just look at the post before this one. She is talented in many ways whether she believes it or not.

12. She is loved by both our families which makes it fun to go home and spend time with them.  We don't have any in-laws complaints.

13. She is a good example (usually) and the times she's not she makes up for it in humor :) She helps me be a better person. 

14. She will be a great mom! I tell her all the time, "Consider how much I am like a child, and you do great with me!" I know she'll be great, no doubt in my mind.

15. She is brave. Admittedly, I can be shy sometimes and she pushes me to break this habit. She is a little fire-cracker when needs be. I let her put the pressure on people if situation calls for it. 

16. She is smart! She reads and reads some more. She is my go to for vocabrulary and speelling.

17. She embraces my hobbies and let's me go fishing. She even tags along when it's warm and reads patiently, holding the camera at the ready for when Mr. Trout appears, which usually requires a lot of waiting:)

18. She is fun to be with. We try to get out of the house from time to time and may just walk around the mall like old people or take a walk around town during our 3 out of 12 months that are warm.

19. She makes me feel strong! It helps that I am a foot taller than her, but she makes sure to pad the ego every now and then and build me up when I am down.

20. We have the same goals and standards. Granted, they may not be the highest goals and standards, but at least they are the same, and we don't judge each other :) We see eye to eye on most everything (figuratively).

21. She keeps us in order. She keeps a budget and manages the money, of course she makes it all too! I poke my head in once in a while to make sure I am included, but she is really the one who keeps track of it all.

22. She has dreams and goals and makes sure they are accomplished.

23. She is adventurous! I love that she is willing to tag along on my crazy adventures and ill planned, last minute trips. I couldn't "plan" them if she wasn't willing to go along.

24. She is athletic and active. Say what you will about cheerleading being a sport. We take turns motivating the other to go to the gym and she is still healthy and going good at the ripe old age of 25!

25. She'll forever be my bride! What more could I ask for than to have her with me forever! I don't think she knew what she was getting into. 

 Love you Dani! Happy Birthday!

Check Out This Cute Thing I Made

Happy Spring (sort of)! We are still getting "fun" little snowstorms here in I.F., but we've had some glimpses of spring that have given me hope that it's on its way. Last week, we even used our sunroof for the very first time! It was heavenly. Course, it snowed a few inches the next day...but it was heavenly while it lasted.

So since it is technically "Spring", I made this cute (at least I think it's cute) sign to display. I'm not very good at decorating for the seasons or different holidays (I wish I was). And I'm really not very crafty (though I would like to be), so this was an accomplishment for me. I copied the idea from Shellie over at House of Smiths. Now there is a talented lady! Mine didn't turn out nearly as perfect as hers, but I like it. The inner circle is kind of uneven, but that gives it character right?

Here's to hoping Spring weather is right around the corner!

Potpourri

1. We've almost survived our first winter in Idaho Falls. I say almost because it's only the first of March so we could still have a few months left. It has not been fun. It's cold. ALL. THE. TIME. We eventually bought one of those little space heaters and now we carry it from room to room. It has been a Godsend. And I don't think we are the only ones who are ready for winter to be over. I've dealt with some pretty crabby patients the last couple of months at work and it's getting really old. There was one day in particular I only saw three or four patients and I somehow managed to upset every single one of them. I'm thinkin' everyone is in need of some sunshine. People are a lot more friendly when the weather is better. 

It's crazy how much more snow they get up here. We bought a new car back in October because we were nervous about the Olds making it with all the snow. The Olds, bless her heart, has a hard enough time on very dry roads so we were extremely nervous about how she'd handle the I.F. winter. We got a Chevy Equinox and we LOVE LOVE LOVE it. All joking aside, there is absolutely NO WAY the Olds would have gotten me to work on a few of the snowy days we had. And there was no way she would have made it home for Thanksgiving. She would have shaken with fear just looking at those roads (or she would have just shaken - she does have a loose bearing and a bad strut ya' know). It's so nice being in a vehicle and feeling completely safe. The Equinox gets and A+ in my book.

(You can see the olds cowering in the background. Poor thing.)

2. Taxes suck. Literally. They suck the funds out of my paycheck (one-third of my paycheck goes to taxes/social security/etc.; a little excessive don't you think?) They sucked all my plans for a big return out the window (I had dreams of paying off some debt, maybe going on a nice vacation...yup sucked those plans right. out. the window.) And they sucked the life out of me for the nearly two weeks I spent preparing them. Yes, you may wonder why it took so long. For starters, we had SEVEN W-2's this year. That's right. SEVEN. That's a lot. And for nexters (I think I may have invented a word just there), I was so much in denial at our puny tax return that I decided to prepare them a second time with a different program to see if I got the same result. I did. And it was infuriating. In fact, if it hadn't been for Brandt going to school and the credit we got from that, we would have OWED money. And if that had been the case, I think Brandt and I would have packed up and moved to New Zealand (I actually did get online and check out New Zealand's tax system in the midst of all this because I was so mad at America - but turns out their system isn't any better - at least from what I could tell in the few minutes I spent researching it). Seriously, it's so maddening. Maybe I wouldn't be so mad if I understood it. But they make it so complicated that no one knows what's going on. I read a statistic the other day that said in the 1920's there were about 11,400 words in America's tax laws. Today, there are over seven MILLION. No wonder it's so confusing.

3. We got callings. After being in this ward for ten months, they are putting us to work. Sort of. Brandt teaches the Elder's Quorum every second Sunday of the month. I teach Relief Society every OTHER second Sunday of the month. It's pretty sweet.  

4. I will turn 25 in a few weeks. And I'm feeling old. People talk about embracing their age and being proud of it, but I can't help thinking about how things used to be. You know that Toby Keith song, "I Ain't as Good as I Once Was.."  That's me. I remember how flexible I used to be and how I could get dropped in cheerleading and bounce right back up (cuz bouncing is what we cheerleaders do best) and try it again. And now, I love doing this Bodystep class at the gym, but my knees hurt for two days afterwards. Oh the pains of getting old......(my mom will probably laugh at that one).

Another sign of oldness: I was talking to my 16-year-old sister the other day and I guess the teenagers these days have a whole new lingo that I don't understand. The new hot sayings, just FYI, are "Kag" and "I'm your dad." I don't get it. They also have this "understanding" about dating. You can either be "a thing" with someone, which means you both like each other (maybe this is what we called "friends with benefits" back in my time?) but you aren't tied down to that person, OR you can be boyfriend/girlfriend, which means that you are more committed to them - you treat each other better. Right now it seems like it is more popular to just be "a thing" - I think it's retarded. Not to say you should be singling off so much in High School (otherwise you may end up marrying that person {see picture below}), but I think calling it "a thing" is just a way for guys/girls to get more action and not have to "commit". It's totally "Kag" if you ask me. (Did I use it right Syd?)

5. Brandt makes me smile. He bought some new sunglasses with his birthday money from my mom. They are polarized photo-chromatic (whatever that means). Basically they are supposed to be the bees knees for when he goes fishing. They are like transition lenses - they get darker as the sun gets brighter, etc. But, if you know anything about Brandt, he can't wait until this summer to try them out. Oh no. And it's too cold to stand outside and test them out. So he opened the blinds, then OPENED THE WINDOW (It was around twenty degrees outside), and pushes his head against the screen as much as humanly possible while wearing his sunglasses and looking into the sun. It was really funny. I allowed him about 30 seconds before I asked him if he knew how much it cost to heat our apartment and would he be so kind as to close the window. Ok, I probably didn't say it quite like that, but you get the drift.

The results of singling off dating in high school. Love you babe!

6. Life is good. Really good. It's still cold, and taxes still suck, and I'm nearing middle-age, but I am happy. Really happy.