I Want Out!!! An Ode to Wal-Mart

So it seems that every time Dani and I return from Sam Walton's dishonored legacy we feel the need to blog. However, as we ride home leaving the ugly memories behind us the feelings of resentment and anger seem to subside and by the time we arrive to the comforts of home our passion to blog about the experience has subsided...

That was not the case today.So here it is, An Ode to Wal-Mart. It is long and I apologize. Hope you enjoy!

I had today off and thought it a good chance to get some shopping done. It is strange how you never seem to use something until it is gone or you run out of it. Then you suddenly need it all the time. This has been our case the last week with flour. It seems every recipe we have wanted has called for the white powder of which we had none. Therefore, in need of supplies and a feeling of generosity to support overseas workers, I traveled to said store. At first everything was going well. It wasn't too busy and the store here is quite nice with large aisles and well stocked shelves, "Today," I thought, "would be a good day."

Then it happened. As I was searching for laundry soap I soon became overwhelmed with the plethora of choices before me. Not only that, I had to find High Efficiency detergent for our new purchase of earlier postings. As I was perusing the options I heard this high pitched scream from a few aisles over. "I WANT OUT!" it yelled with such ferocity I almost dropped the rain-scented Tide I was sampling. Then the voice continued. "I WANT OUT!" it cried. Then again, and again, and again, ....

After what seemed like hours of these loud cries of repetition either my mind blocked the sound or the poor child had been moved on. Yet still here I was in front of the detergents yet to make a decision. What scent is best, Is it H.E., Is it a good deal, Will Dani like it, How many loads can you get, Is the handle ergonomic, Does it match our home decor, and the all-important question that should be on everyone's mind, What would Jesus do?

Well, I finally made a choice for a bottle of Tide that was on sale and had Febreze included; I was happy. Next, it was time for some groceries. This is where things got ugly. I turned the aisle only to almost step in what I could only guess was the outer remains of a corn dog but I couldn't be sure and dare not investigate further. After careful maneuvering to avoid said dog I headed for the mighty flour of which we had been needing so desperately. (Here I must explain something, I know that I walk faster than most; I have long legs and use them to my advantage. However, I have also found that I must walk quieter than most. How you may ask? Because whenever I am walking, no matter where it be, it seems that people always turn and run into me, or go sideways and cut me off, or I am following behind someone and I go to pass them on the right and they go right so I try to walk around the left and they go left as if completely oblivious to my presence. I have asked Dani about this and she suggests it is just that crowds of people are busy in their own thoughts and don't pay attention. This may be true but I believe I am cursed. Therefore, I have found I must cough or hum slightly or drag my feet whenever I feel such a situation eminent, and for the most part this seems to protect myself and others from these situations of collision and frustration, but not always, and today, well, it didn't seem to work at all.) OK, so I fought my way through the crowds, bumping into, being cut off by, and never being able to pass any of them, especially the old ladies who seem to need to park their carts in the middle of the aisle, perpendicularly, and then slowly walk over to what they need.

No offense to the older and slower generation, I know all too well I will be there some day but I vow to park my cart off to the side and obey the unspoken rules of engagement while shopping. They are quite similar to driving really: stick to the right side of the aisle, look both ways before crossing aisles, don't speed, yield to traffic, don't follow too closely or stop too abruptly, etc. Anyway, I make my way through the obstacles and arrive at the flour. Even now I do not know how the events unfolded but I found myself pinned to the side of the aisle because of the crowds of people. I hugged the side and reached down to grab a bag of flour of which I was beginning to wonder if it was worth it. As I stood up and turned a tight 180 to place the bag in my cart something caught on my jacket. Thinking it would simply slide off or perhaps just not caring, again I don't know quite how it happened, I continued to turn and then disaster struck.

Somehow my jacket, perhaps a button or the zipper, snagged a box full of little 2 serving bags of cornbread. Even as I placed the flour in the cart and heard the avalanche of things start to fall I could feel my face turning red. I turned to see the damage that had ensued while the whole crowd that had been so focused on only their own tasks suddenly became aware of me and decided to stop and assess the damage as well. Behind me lay a pile of these little bags all over the place. Even as I started to quickly pick them up more would fall and continue the stares and gentle smiles of passerby's mocking me as if to say:

"I am going to smile because I feel bad for you but not enough to actually stop and help you, therefore here is a smile, it should suffice."

And of course I would smile back as if to say:

"This is embarrassing and you must understand that, therefore here is a smile to show my appreciation, now keep walking."

Soon enough the crowd had moved on and I was left to replacing my mess of bags back onto the shelves in peace. I realized there was a problem, these bags had no box, they must have been placed on the shelf without one and thus created a booby trap for unsuspecting persons such as myself. I was thus left to precariously stack the smooth, silk-like bags onto the shelf which was no easy task. As I thought I was nearing the last of them the dang things would slip and all tumble down again, starting the process of cornbread Jenga all over again. Finally I had them stacked at least to a point that I could leave and feel they would not fall until I was clear of their path of destruction. Did I feel that they would stay that way permanently? Well of course not but it wouldn't be my problem at that point. Right? I could then just walk by the next poor soul and give that pleasant smile of:

"I feel bad for you, especially because I have been there before, but I don't feel bad enough to actually help you because I know how hard it is to stack those things, so here is a smile, it should suffice, please don't consider me a jerk."

Next, aisle.

Well, this one was a little better I was able to check off a fair number of things on my list and life was looking good again, until...off in the distance...I heard it..."I WANT OUT!" It cried. Are you kidding me?! This kid was still at it. My condolences and admiration to the mother of that child for not giving in to his demands. Again, I never did see the child but heard the screams growing closer and so headed off in the other direction. It was here in the aisle of laxatives and headache medicine that I found solace and relief, no pun intended. There was no one around and I had a chance to breathe. After mustering my courage I decided to brave the dangerous aisles once more.

Taking a left I reached the aisle of feminine hygiene products that every man jut loves to go down, especially while by himself. Not only this, but much to my disdain this particular Wal-Mart must have been doing inventory because there was a row of women with scan guns blocking every item I needed to get to. Usually, when facing the feminine hygiene aisle, I muster my courage and wait for the aisle to be clear while casually eyeing the product needed from a distance, planning my attack. As soon as it is clear I make a run for it, grab the item as quickly as possible, and speedily head off towards the automotive section, or guns, or beer, or anything manly. This plan would not work today. No, today I would have to face my fears and gather the feminine supplies with a whole group of ladies in my way. Oh well. I headed down the aisle with my head low and walking too quietly as usual. At least it must have been too quiet because as I eyed the particular item needed I reached between two ladies who were facing opposite directions of my arm. Hoping they wouldn't notice me, I tried to be fast but the box got stuck.

I was caught.

The two heads turned and must have been surprised to see a hairy arm with man hands at their eye level grasping a box of delicate feminine products. In my embarrassment I quickly yanked the box out, scratched my fingers, and moved on. Ducking into the next aisle and tending to my wounds, I regained my composure and surveying the remaining items on the list. Drat! I had forgotten to get brown sugar which was on the same aisle as the flour. This meant only one thing. I had to return to the scene of the crime. I only hoped the bags of cornbread were nowhere near the brown sugar.

As I rounded the corner, remembering to dodge the corn dog remains, I was greeted with another odd site. There before my eyes lay the remains of a half chewed hot dog on the shelf. Awesome! People disgust me. It had to have been an adult who placed the dog there. It was too high up for a child to have done so. (This situation reminded me of one I see at my place of work. Many know that I also work in a retail environment. At our store we allow dogs, I have no problem with this, I love dogs. However, there is also another unspoken rule that if your dog cannot control its bladder or urge to pee on something that doesn't smell right then your dog should not come into the store! I will give you the benefit of the doubt, perhaps you did not know your dog would relieve itself on our product or defecate in the middle of the aisle. BUT, if it does, at least clean if up! I will not go into detail because this is a different story, let if suffice to say that I have seen such and it is nasty!) back to the original story... I realized that this hot dog must be the dog to the outer remains of the corn dog, all that was missing was the stick. Which I found shortly a fair distance up the aisle from the earlier evidence. But, soon enough I had the brown sugar and was ready to move on to the last dreaded item...Milk.

This is the item EVERYONE is after. You know it is inevitable, the milk aisle is always busy, cold, frustrating, and in the back of the store. I sojourned to the back and found the aisle leading to it surprisingly wide. On one side was all the candy, on the other was all the popcorn and junk food. Coincidence that this aisle was the biggest one in the store? I think not. At the end I found the sign I had been seeking, "Dairy" it read like a beacon of hope shining from a lighthouse. Looking both ways I crossed the aisle and made my way like Indiana Jones towards the golden 1%... the path was clear... it was within my grasp... I was going to make it without error...nothing could stop me!!

I was cut off by another little old lady.

I waited patiently for her to choose the one she wanted. All the while thinking, "Come on you have probably been drinking the same stuff for the last 60 years, you know you're not going to change now." Eventually she made her decision and I got what I needed and was on the way toward the front. Here I was blessed; by some miraculous act I did not have to wait in a line to checkout. This boosted my spirits and I was happy to be leaving that store. In the parking lot I loaded the car and was about to be done when the wind caught my receipt and blew it about ten feet away. I waited, expecting that it would move again, but it did not. I stepped forward and almost got it when, Whoosh! it leaped out of grasp and stopped again ten feet away, taunting me. At this point I began chasing it, running into the roadway without looking, I would not lose this receipt. It was my prize, my award, and my proof of what I had been through. After a time the receipt stopped in front of a car where a lady was putting her kids into their seats. I reached down near her feet and she gave a startled look. I said nothing and walked away in anger and embarrassment. Though her kids did bring back a haunting memory and sound to my mind...I WANT OUT! I WANT OUT! And I thought, me too kid, me too.

I found the picture below while searching for Wal-Mart pics. It is a collection of people Chuck Davis saw while shopping a local Wal-Mart. You know you have seen them before too. On the second row you will notice a missionary.

P.S. After I got home and was putting stuff away I got to the last item which was the first I had picked out. The laundry detergent. Happy to put the memory behind me I went to put this last item away and noticed something that didn't make me happy. It wasn't high efficiency detergent! Looks like I will be going back sooner than planned.

Swimsuit Shopping

Disclaimer: I mean no offense to anyone who wears bikinis or wears size 10 and up...

But...I need to vent.

Is there such a thing as a modest swimsuit anymore? Or how about a modest swimsuit in a size eight or smaller? And maybe I'm just getting way too greedy here, but is it too much to ask for a modest swimsuit, in something size eight or less, that doesn't look like something my grandma would have worn?! (also no offense to all the grandmas who may read our blog - I think your swimsuits are darling, just not something a 24-year-old wants to wear :)

I have put off buying a new swimsuit for a few years now, because, as women everywhere know, it just plain sucks shopping for a new one. If you're anything like me, you're already self-conscious as it is, especially right off from a long winter, with the pasty white legs and a little pudge here and there...sigh. So you're searching for something that is going to camouflage all those flaws (lets face it, we all have them, unless you're Heidi Klum - although she's had a couple babies now so I bet even she has flaws) and you're looking for that suit that's going to make you feel like a million bucks, or at least make you feel like you're not the ugliest duck in the pond. That perfect suit.

Swimsuit shopping...aka hell on earth. For me anyways. Am I the only one?

I bought the suit I currently wear back in high school. It's a basic black one-piece, nothing special; in fact, I wasn't that thrilled with it when I bought it, but it was the best I could find. Eight years later, I'm still wearing it because I could never bring myself to shop for a new one. I even had my aunt repair the stitching in the bra when it came unraveled (let me point out that I had her repair it NOT because I was being thrifty, but because I seriously couldn't handle having to buy a new one.)

Brandt and I are planning a trip to Vegas again this year (love that place!) so I figured now would be a good time to bite the bullet and get a new suit and retire the old. But now, after exhausting every store Idaho Falls has to offer over a three-week period, I am beginning to think that I will use my old suit until the day I die (good thing black is always in style right?)

Seriously though, why does this have to be such a stressful, frustrating, make you want to hit someone thing? There's always a huge selection of super cute bikinis and then a few frumpy one-pieces that I swear Satan himself helped design because he wants to lead you astray into buying the cute, sexy bikini. I would even go for a tankini, but even those are hard to find in a cute style. And THEN, I finally find some cute ones that could work...and they don't have my size. It's the same story everywhere I shop. We went to a couple of stores that seriously had a LONG rack full of suits and six inches on that rack were devoted to suits in my size...and the other twenty FEET of rack space were for swimsuits too big for me. So if you happen to be small, you're just S.O.L. Freak! Does anyone else see anything wrong with this?! They'll carry up to size 22 or so, but it's just too much to ask for them to carry a couple sizes down. And in my desperation to find a cute, in-style swimsuit, I'll admit I even looked in the little girls section at Kohls, thinking maybe if I bought the biggest size in the section I could make it work. And if I wasn't so voluptuous I would have bought one!

So, needless to say, I am frustrated. And angry. And tempted to buy this really cute bikini I found today (it was pink, brown, and white stripes with glitter - and I have a fondness for sparkly things :) But I've always felt that modesty is important and that's why I want a one-piece or a tasteful two-piece. But not only that, but I want to feel pretty and confident. I want to be comfortable, and not all exposed to the world and afraid an apple may pop out if I get hit by a wave or somethin' (not that there are waves in Vegas, but I hope to some day take my suit to a place where there are waves and sandy beaches (i.e. Hawaii maybe?!) - and dang it I want to be comfortable!).

Any advice? Maybe I'm over thinking it; it's just a swimming suit for crying out loud. I've thought about shopping online, but it makes me nervous. A swimsuit is something you need to try on first - what may look good on the model may not look good on me. Or fit the way I thought it would. I seriously have gone to every store in I.F. that I know of that would carry suits (ask Brandt, he came with me to every single one! What a sport :) but maybe I need to widen my search to other cities. Where have you found luck in your search for THE suit? Let me know! Otherwise, I may end up on a nude beach somewhere...dreaming of that perfect suit that never was.

P.S. I ventured into online shopping and found this picture...and it made me smile :)

Much Better!

Just 68 more days! This trailer is much more intense than the first one. Thank you Oprah! And thank you Brandt for yelling at me while I was on the potty to hurry and run downstairs so I could see it.

p.s. Brandt has requested no comments from readers of our blog as to why he was watching The Oprah Show by himself :)

Book Review: The Hearts of the Children Series

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Hearts of the Children Series
By Dean Hughes

This is a continuation of the Children of the Promise series, which took place during WWII. This series continues the story of the Thomas family during the 60's and 70's. Historical fiction is one of my favorite genres and Dean Hughes does a good job with researching and trying to portray an accurate description of the time period. I'm not a huge fan of LDS fiction, but these books are an exception. Hughes does a great job of developing his characters. He doesn't idealize Mormons but portrays them as real people with real struggles and faults. I found myself relating to a lot of the conversations and feelings that Hughes writes about.

I was a little bit sad to see the series come to an end. Diane was one of the most interesting characters to read about and Hughes has written another book that continues her story which I'll probably read at some point. One criticism I do have is that when I read the first series, I felt that I learned a lot about the 1940's that I didn't already know, so I was hoping to learn a little bit more about the 60's and 70's through reading the second series since I don't know so much about that time. But I didn't feel like I learned a whole lot that I didn't already know, and when he did write about historical events, those were some of the more boring parts of the book. But Hughes puts a disclaimer in his books that if you want to learn about history, read a history book - not historical fiction, and I agree with that. I still really enjoyed reading the series and would definitely recommend them.

**One interesting thing that I did learn from the series was the purpose behind the bright clothing worn during that time period. I already knew about hippies, the "movement", flower children, free love, the growing popularity of LSD during that time, etc.; but I didn't know that the reason hippies wore such bright clothing and why tie dyed shirts were the rage was because it was supposed to symbolize the experience one had while on LSD - interesting! I don't think I'll ever look at a tie dyed shirt in quite the same way :)

Up next: North River by Pete Hamill

The Hookup

Probably the best thing about moving to a new place is Washer/Dryer hookups!!! We got these babies at good ol' Lowes (we put that employee discount to good use!), and so far we have enjoyed our purchase very much. It's nice to do laundry and have the clothes actually come clean! Love it!

I had to post these pics of Brandt - he is like a little kid when it comes to new toys. It doesn't matter what it is, washer/dryer, a package in the mail (even if it's something for me), whatever it is, he likes to play with it. He makes me smile :) I took the video of him below without his knowledge - and after some begging he agreed to let me post it. The first thing he did with the W/D was dry them off (it was snowing when they were delivered), threw in a batch of laundry, and WATCHED THEM :) Then, he threw a shirt into the dryer so he could check out the steam dryer function.

I was hoping his excitement would last a couple of months and I wouldn't have to worry about laundry for awhile, but sadly it wore off after a few days :)

Moving Day

Well, we made it to our new abode here in Idaho Falls. Moving Day was Friday, April 2nd and everything went smoothly. We had gotten a bunch of boxes from my dad, and seriously didn't think we would even come close to using all of them. But we used every last one, without a box to spare!

I have some OCD tendencies in me and I know that, and I accept it- I like myself in spite of them:) But I'm pretty sure I tested some of Brandt's patience with me as we packed and stacked boxes. All the boxes had to face the same way and they had to be written on in the same upper right corner of the box. I even made Brandt replace a box he had stacked because it didn't match the others in the stack. I know I'm crazy! And then I liked to sit and admire my beautifully stacked boxes - I got a little thrill from it (I'm like Monica from "Friends"). I'm so glad my husband accepts and loves me just the way I am, craziness and all :)

Here's our stash ready to be loaded in the truck. Isn't the stack of 70+ boxes pretty?! I know, I need therapy.

Brandt was pretty excited to drive the big U-Haul. He was disappointed when the one we got ended up being an older model. Thanks again to Dan for helping us out! Everything went smoothly and we made it to IF in no time.

We're excited for this new phase, but that teeny tiny McKinley Manor apartment will always hold a special place in my heart.

It was our first home and I was sad to say goodbye to it. Though I won't miss the noisy cars that made my blood boil every time they drove by (I know they did it on purpose!), the stinky lady below us that made our house smell awful anytime she cooked, or the guy in the apartment adjacent to us who we could hear hacking up loogies every morning and night, or the exposed tack strip in the living room that I occasionally stepped on. Other than that it was great :) and it was home. For the first few days up here I was homesick and wanted to go back to Poky. But it gets better every day we are here. Both of us started our new jobs last Monday and so far everything has been going well. I think we're gonna like it here!

We've been here for almost two weeks now and for the most part have gotten everything put away in its place. The extra space has been so nice! And the dishwasher! Garage! Washer/Dryer! Yes, I think we've spoiled ourselves a bit. Although we're already a little worn out by climbing those stairs multiple times a day...sad, but true. We need to get ourselves back in shape!

March 31

My birthday was the last day in March, so amidst all our packing and cleaning we took a break to celebrate. Birthdays aren't quite the same as when you were a little kid...it mostly just feels like any other day, with maybe a tich of depression for being another year older. Granted, I know 24 isn't old, but it sure feels like it! We had a "party" at work (though the festivities weren't necessarily for me...it still made the day different from all the rest :) and Brandt did a good job with the presents! I actually wasn't expecting to get anything this year since we were so busy with moving - but Brandt came through for me! My favorite present: "A Goofy Movie!" I LOVE this movie! It was one of my family's favorites when we were kids and Brandt found it on DVD! Thanks Babe!


That night we were also celebrating Brandt getting done with a tough semester. He did so well and ended up with awesome grades. I had been trying to think of something to surprise him with for being so dedicated and remembered that "The Blind Side" was coming out on DVD - so I bought it on Amazon because they had a deal where if you bought it online, they would ship it to you early so you would receive it on the day it was released (March 23rd in this case) and since we qualified for free shipping, I figured for the same price that would save me a trip to Wal Mart to pick it up. Well, it finally arrived 8 DAYS LATE. I was checking the mail every day and trying to talk Brandt out of forwarding our mail to IF just yet without telling him why...it was ridiculous. Thanks a bunch Amazon, geez. But it finally got here and we LOVED it! I think we were the last ones on the planet to see this one - but it was great. We enjoyed the movie with some fabulous Grecian Key gyros and fries (YUM!) for one last time :( That's one thing we're definitely going to miss about Poky - Grecian Key. Maybe we'll see if we can talk them into opening one here in IF.