The Bed Post

So the other day, a Sunday morning, Dani and I are sitting in bed relaxing. (Side note, our bed is up on seven inch risers so that we can store items underneath. See Exhibit A)

Exhibit A

We don't have church until 1:00 which allows for copious amounts of free time. Yes, I used copious. Earlier that morning I had heard a crack from my side of the room. Not sure what it was, I ignored the sound. An hour later Dani and I are sitting in bed, her reading and me browsing the internet, when we hear another, louder crack.

"Is our bed breaking?" She asked.

"No," I said, "I heard that noise earlier, must be something else." Yes, must be something else...

-short pause-

We hear another sound, not a crack, more of a slow creaking, like a tree bending in the wind. Or, maybe, a bed breaking. Pick whichever metaphor you will. In a split second I feel myself beginning to sink. Like a nimble cat I leaped from the bed just in time for it to come smashing down...but only on my side. (See Exhibit B)

Exhibit B. Yup, just on my side. Kinda like one of those hospital beds, kinda. Please disregard all the junk, Dani's side is much cleaner.

I look over at Dani, sitting proudly up in the air, she has a shocked and confused, slightly angry expression. "Did you just break our bed?" She asks. I say nothing, but investigate the damaged. "Yup, I broke it." I said. "Well not the whole bed, only the seven inch riser that supports it." (See Exhibit C)

Exhibit C. Notice the bed went smashing right down through the middle of the support.You will also notice scriptures, a toy helicopter, Idaho State Fishing Rules and Regulations, and textbooks giving you a brief glimpse into my daily routine.

*Sigh* I am fat :( Yet, even as I write this, having just finished cooking a batch of cookies and licking the chocolate off of my fingers, I feel no remorse. I don't blame myself (who does?). I blame the man...the man who made those supports. Yes, it is not me, it is them. Definitely, it is them.

Happy 25th Birthday Dani!

Today is my wonderful wife's Birthday! Since she did such a kind post full of lies for my big 2-5 I thought it only fair to return the favor (without the lies of course). So here it goes, 25 reasons I love Danielle:

1. She is smoking hot and crazy sexy! Enough said.

2. She is funny! You've read her posts, you know it's true. 

3. She is a great cook. I never had to experience that Kenny Chesney "eating burnt suppers the whole first year" thing. She has always been good and it keeps getting better.

4. She keeps the house looking good. She works hard all day long to bring home the bacon and then comes home and cooks it too. Or in this case, works to clean the house even after a hard day of work.

5. She is supportive. I have some crazy dreams and wishes, but she has never once made me feel that I couldn't accomplish them. She encourages me everyday. 

6. She genuinely cares for other people. I have never known anyone with as pure a heart as my wife. She can be shy at times, but that does not stop her caring for others.

7. She works hard. She worked very hard all through school to get a well-earned degree and now gets to put that hard work into a hard working job. She is a tough little lady!

8. She is my Sugar Mamma. As mentioned, she brings home the bacon while I am going to school and working summer jobs. But she pours the sugar on me as well. She always makes me feel loved.

9. She is my best friend. We get along so well and are completely comfortable with each other. I can tell her anything without feeling judged.

10. She's concerned about me. Especially my health. She makes sure I ration my food intake and get to the gym. I may complain, but I know it is out of love and for the best...I think :)

11. She is creative. She may say otherwise but it is true, just look at the post before this one. She is talented in many ways whether she believes it or not.

12. She is loved by both our families which makes it fun to go home and spend time with them.  We don't have any in-laws complaints.

13. She is a good example (usually) and the times she's not she makes up for it in humor :) She helps me be a better person. 

14. She will be a great mom! I tell her all the time, "Consider how much I am like a child, and you do great with me!" I know she'll be great, no doubt in my mind.

15. She is brave. Admittedly, I can be shy sometimes and she pushes me to break this habit. She is a little fire-cracker when needs be. I let her put the pressure on people if situation calls for it. 

16. She is smart! She reads and reads some more. She is my go to for vocabrulary and speelling.

17. She embraces my hobbies and let's me go fishing. She even tags along when it's warm and reads patiently, holding the camera at the ready for when Mr. Trout appears, which usually requires a lot of waiting:)

18. She is fun to be with. We try to get out of the house from time to time and may just walk around the mall like old people or take a walk around town during our 3 out of 12 months that are warm.

19. She makes me feel strong! It helps that I am a foot taller than her, but she makes sure to pad the ego every now and then and build me up when I am down.

20. We have the same goals and standards. Granted, they may not be the highest goals and standards, but at least they are the same, and we don't judge each other :) We see eye to eye on most everything (figuratively).

21. She keeps us in order. She keeps a budget and manages the money, of course she makes it all too! I poke my head in once in a while to make sure I am included, but she is really the one who keeps track of it all.

22. She has dreams and goals and makes sure they are accomplished.

23. She is adventurous! I love that she is willing to tag along on my crazy adventures and ill planned, last minute trips. I couldn't "plan" them if she wasn't willing to go along.

24. She is athletic and active. Say what you will about cheerleading being a sport. We take turns motivating the other to go to the gym and she is still healthy and going good at the ripe old age of 25!

25. She'll forever be my bride! What more could I ask for than to have her with me forever! I don't think she knew what she was getting into. 

 Love you Dani! Happy Birthday!

Check Out This Cute Thing I Made

Happy Spring (sort of)! We are still getting "fun" little snowstorms here in I.F., but we've had some glimpses of spring that have given me hope that it's on its way. Last week, we even used our sunroof for the very first time! It was heavenly. Course, it snowed a few inches the next day...but it was heavenly while it lasted.

So since it is technically "Spring", I made this cute (at least I think it's cute) sign to display. I'm not very good at decorating for the seasons or different holidays (I wish I was). And I'm really not very crafty (though I would like to be), so this was an accomplishment for me. I copied the idea from Shellie over at House of Smiths. Now there is a talented lady! Mine didn't turn out nearly as perfect as hers, but I like it. The inner circle is kind of uneven, but that gives it character right?

Here's to hoping Spring weather is right around the corner!

Potpourri

1. We've almost survived our first winter in Idaho Falls. I say almost because it's only the first of March so we could still have a few months left. It has not been fun. It's cold. ALL. THE. TIME. We eventually bought one of those little space heaters and now we carry it from room to room. It has been a Godsend. And I don't think we are the only ones who are ready for winter to be over. I've dealt with some pretty crabby patients the last couple of months at work and it's getting really old. There was one day in particular I only saw three or four patients and I somehow managed to upset every single one of them. I'm thinkin' everyone is in need of some sunshine. People are a lot more friendly when the weather is better. 

It's crazy how much more snow they get up here. We bought a new car back in October because we were nervous about the Olds making it with all the snow. The Olds, bless her heart, has a hard enough time on very dry roads so we were extremely nervous about how she'd handle the I.F. winter. We got a Chevy Equinox and we LOVE LOVE LOVE it. All joking aside, there is absolutely NO WAY the Olds would have gotten me to work on a few of the snowy days we had. And there was no way she would have made it home for Thanksgiving. She would have shaken with fear just looking at those roads (or she would have just shaken - she does have a loose bearing and a bad strut ya' know). It's so nice being in a vehicle and feeling completely safe. The Equinox gets and A+ in my book.

(You can see the olds cowering in the background. Poor thing.)

2. Taxes suck. Literally. They suck the funds out of my paycheck (one-third of my paycheck goes to taxes/social security/etc.; a little excessive don't you think?) They sucked all my plans for a big return out the window (I had dreams of paying off some debt, maybe going on a nice vacation...yup sucked those plans right. out. the window.) And they sucked the life out of me for the nearly two weeks I spent preparing them. Yes, you may wonder why it took so long. For starters, we had SEVEN W-2's this year. That's right. SEVEN. That's a lot. And for nexters (I think I may have invented a word just there), I was so much in denial at our puny tax return that I decided to prepare them a second time with a different program to see if I got the same result. I did. And it was infuriating. In fact, if it hadn't been for Brandt going to school and the credit we got from that, we would have OWED money. And if that had been the case, I think Brandt and I would have packed up and moved to New Zealand (I actually did get online and check out New Zealand's tax system in the midst of all this because I was so mad at America - but turns out their system isn't any better - at least from what I could tell in the few minutes I spent researching it). Seriously, it's so maddening. Maybe I wouldn't be so mad if I understood it. But they make it so complicated that no one knows what's going on. I read a statistic the other day that said in the 1920's there were about 11,400 words in America's tax laws. Today, there are over seven MILLION. No wonder it's so confusing.

3. We got callings. After being in this ward for ten months, they are putting us to work. Sort of. Brandt teaches the Elder's Quorum every second Sunday of the month. I teach Relief Society every OTHER second Sunday of the month. It's pretty sweet.  

4. I will turn 25 in a few weeks. And I'm feeling old. People talk about embracing their age and being proud of it, but I can't help thinking about how things used to be. You know that Toby Keith song, "I Ain't as Good as I Once Was.."  That's me. I remember how flexible I used to be and how I could get dropped in cheerleading and bounce right back up (cuz bouncing is what we cheerleaders do best) and try it again. And now, I love doing this Bodystep class at the gym, but my knees hurt for two days afterwards. Oh the pains of getting old......(my mom will probably laugh at that one).

Another sign of oldness: I was talking to my 16-year-old sister the other day and I guess the teenagers these days have a whole new lingo that I don't understand. The new hot sayings, just FYI, are "Kag" and "I'm your dad." I don't get it. They also have this "understanding" about dating. You can either be "a thing" with someone, which means you both like each other (maybe this is what we called "friends with benefits" back in my time?) but you aren't tied down to that person, OR you can be boyfriend/girlfriend, which means that you are more committed to them - you treat each other better. Right now it seems like it is more popular to just be "a thing" - I think it's retarded. Not to say you should be singling off so much in High School (otherwise you may end up marrying that person {see picture below}), but I think calling it "a thing" is just a way for guys/girls to get more action and not have to "commit". It's totally "Kag" if you ask me. (Did I use it right Syd?)

5. Brandt makes me smile. He bought some new sunglasses with his birthday money from my mom. They are polarized photo-chromatic (whatever that means). Basically they are supposed to be the bees knees for when he goes fishing. They are like transition lenses - they get darker as the sun gets brighter, etc. But, if you know anything about Brandt, he can't wait until this summer to try them out. Oh no. And it's too cold to stand outside and test them out. So he opened the blinds, then OPENED THE WINDOW (It was around twenty degrees outside), and pushes his head against the screen as much as humanly possible while wearing his sunglasses and looking into the sun. It was really funny. I allowed him about 30 seconds before I asked him if he knew how much it cost to heat our apartment and would he be so kind as to close the window. Ok, I probably didn't say it quite like that, but you get the drift.

The results of singling off dating in high school. Love you babe!

6. Life is good. Really good. It's still cold, and taxes still suck, and I'm nearing middle-age, but I am happy. Really happy.

Book Review: The Story of Edgar Sawtelle

**

I spent several weeks reading this book. The hope is that when you invest that much time into something, that in the end you feel that your time was well spent, that you just experienced something worth all of that time and energy. I can't even imagine how many hours I put into reading Harry Potter; I'm sure it's in the hundreds. But it was time well spent - I don't regret that for a minute. But this book was disappointing. I was so angry that I wasted so much time on it. The only reason I'm giving it two stars instead of one is because it was pretty good up until the ending. The characters and scenery were so vivid. The author painted such a pretty story with all these varying themes and inconsequential tid-bits of information - I thought in the end he was going to miraculously bring it all together. Nope, he torched everything instead. Literally. It was like something must have snapped in his personal life to make him unable to finish the story properly, so he just gave it up and burned it all to the ground. Rediculous. I was a bit shocked at how awful it really was. No justice whatsoever. I was left feeling completely cheated. And I thought it would be so good with all the endorsements it had: Oprah and Steven King being at the forefront. I doubt they even read it. 

On an up-note, I saw this wreath over at The Idea Room awhile back and have wanted to make one. Since I love to read so much, I thought it would be cute in my future office or library. But I couldn't bring myself to tear up any of my books to make it. Until now...

My Nemesis

I like to consider myself a handyman. Heck, I worked for Gary D. Jones Construction in high school...vacuuming floors. Hmm...bad example but, if something breaks, I can fix it. Granted I have my limitations: plumbing, electrical, framing, carpentry, concrete, tile, roofing, drywall, hammering, gluing, stapling, cutting, measuring...hmm where were we? Oh yeah, I am a handyman. You see there was a little project around the apartment a few weeks ago that would appear to the untrained eye as something simple.  Something you would call a beginner's task. What was it?

A towel rod.

Don't let the simplicity of the name or task fool you. I dare Bob Vila, Tim the Toolman Taylor, Norm Abram, and the entire cast of "Ask This Old House" COMBINED to tackle this demonic towel rod with the same expert skill and efficiency that was produced by my tough and callused hands. Let's start at the beginning.

Just as I am quite the handyman I am quite the heavyman. Apparently, one too many leans on the ol' towel rod to wipe my feet while getting out of the shower to keep the wife happy and the floors dry took its toll on the holder of towels. Yes, one day I am getting out of the shower and my 210 pound body yanks the thing right out of the wall, nails, screws, the whole bit. Thus, we were faced with attempt one at fixing what has now become My Nemesis.

Attempt One (you'd like to think this would be the first and only, oh young grasshopper you have much to learn): Gary D. would be ashamed at this first attempt, but let's face it I am a busy guy. It's not like I attend school from home, don't have a job, or kids. I've got things to do and places to be, Middle Earth to save and well, you get the picture. So this first attempt was a quick fix that I thought would work. Basically I lined up the holes in the wall with the nails that were protruding from the back of the towel rod.  Well, My Nemesis had held up just fine for many months until this point so I figured why not try the same tactic. (In my defense I am quite limited on tools and handyman supplies) Thus, I applied a little wood glue to the nails and back of the wood and shoved it back into place. This seemed to hold quite well. I gave it a few hours to dry and life went on. It held the towels and I was the hero. This lasted a day or two until I got out of the shower, leaned on the towel rod, and...

it pulled out of the wall again! You're shocked I know.

Attempt Two: This time I meant business, I suggested to the wife that we purchase some new screws but she suggested Liquid Nails. "That is why I keep you around." I said, and proceeded with the Liquid Nails which I luckily had some leftover from making Dani's mirror some time ago. This liquid nails is tough stuff and being a good handyman, I "thoroughly" read the instructions and discovered that I had a ten minute working time. I spread a hefty bead of glue on the back and stuck it to the wall. It stuck really well and felt strong. To ensure that I wouldn't have the fiasco happen again I taped it in place and let it stay for the night. The next day I pulled off the tape...it held, we put our towels on it...it held, and I was the hero again. We left for the weekend and I gave no thought to My Nemesis. It had been conquered; there were new mountains to climb.

While we were gone it fell again.

This time it fell completely of its own free will. I was beginning to think this was no ordinary towel rod. I didn't understand. This Liquid Nails is supposed to be the bee's knees, the fish's fins, heck, even the cat's meow for gluing things together. (Just ask the retaining wall holding back hundreds of pounds of dirt that my dad and I built two summers ago which is still standing) Why didn't it work? Upon further inspection  of the glue, I discovered that you have a ten minute working time but should allow a 72 hour curing time.

Whoops.

Bob and Norm would be disappointed. Tim would have done the same thing. "Well that's OK" I said, "live and learn, I will just do the same thing and allow it to dry longer." You would think by this point I would have learned not to do the same thing that had failed once already. What's that definition for insanity again?

Attempt Three: Basically I repeated attempt two but gave My Nemesis much more time to cure. In fact I gave it a whole week. When sitting on the throne you are forced to stare at the towel rack directly in front of you, not a foot from your face. I would sit and stare at it. My Nemesis would stare intently back, a slight dent  in the middle forming a little smile as it bent upward at the ends, mocking me.  So, I gave it a week and once again removed the tape holding it up...it held, we hung up our towels...it held, we left for the weekend in Jackson Hole...it fell while we were gone.

Upon our return from the joy-filled weekend I went to use the facilities, the towel rod long forgotten. I opened the door and it was on the ground again. WHY!!?? I yelled. In the other room Dani began to laugh, she had already seen it but left the little surprise all for me.

Here it is, showing the ruthless carnage of Liquid Nails left in its wake.

Attempt Four: By this point I knew this was no ordinary towel rod. No, it must have been created in the deepest pit and forged in the fiery furnace of hell (which made sense why it kept falling to the ground, it was trying to return to its master). It meant business, but so did I. I took no prisoners as I went to town (which is true, I traveled alone) in search of a way to keep this towel rod of Hades stuck to my wall.  I found it... HA HA HA I blurted out in my own sadistic voice on aisle twelve of the Home Depot as the lights dimmed and thunder rolled (and yes I said Home Depot and not Lowe's, but that is another story for another time). With eager haste I returned home with my secret weapon: four 50-pound test anchor bolts. Once home, I put each of these screws into My Nemesis which seemed to scream out in pain with each twist of the screwdriver as I performed my exorcism. Finally, sweat dripping down my face, it was stuck to the wall, straight, and holding well. I put a towel on it...

it held, I put another towel on it...

it held!

Hallelujah! I was the hero once more! Stuck to the wall with four 50-pound test anchor bolts, My Nemesis was reduced back to a simple towel rod. Well, a simple towel rod that can now hold 200 pounds but, a towel rod nonetheless. Who's your Daddy?

The Finished Product! (Bet you can't guess which towel is mine and which is Dani's)

 

 You could do pull ups on this baby! (but I wouldn't recommend it)

Attempt 5: Just kidding! For now...

Spontaneity

This past weekend Brandt and I went to Jackson Hole. Here's how it all went down:

On Friday, I called Brandt to let him know I was on my way home from work. He asks, "Do you have any plans this weekend?" 

Odd question. Ummmm...."My plans are the same as your plans...so...uh...no," I respond.

"Do you want to go to Jackson Hole?!" he asks, with obvious excitement in his voice.

.....Long pause...."Sure, why not?" I respond, with not nearly as much enthusiasm.

Apparently, Brandt's unemployment has left him with ample time to browse the internet for vacations, and he came upon a killer deal for a condo in Jackson for that night. Anyone who really knows me knows that I'm not much for spontaneity - I prefer things to be planned out. So I surprised Brandt by actually saying "yes" to this little adventure. So as soon as I got home I packed and within the hour we were on our way. We had to make a quick stop at the mall and get some snow gear (snow pants, gloves, etc.) but after that we hit the road.

The drive up there was beautiful. The roads were clear but everything else was drenched in white. Fields of snow everywhere! And the mountains and river in the background to boot. We pulled in about 6 pm and checked in at our condo. It. Was. HUGE. We felt bad we didn't come across this deal sooner and had time to invite some people to come up with us because there was plenty of room. 

♪ "And here we have Idaho..."♫ 
(At least I think we were still in Idaho at this point...maybe not.)

This is the condo we stayed in. Straight out that back door is a balcony with great views of the mountains.

After dropping our stuff off, we rode the city bus downtown to watch the beginning of the International Pedigree Stage Stop Sled Dog Race (IPSSSDR for short....haha, no seriously - that's what they call it for 'short'). This is a yearly sled dog race that kicks off in Jackson, Wyoming and they race around different cities in Wyoming and finally end in Park City, Utah. The race lasts a week. It was soooo much fun. These dogs were so dang cute. They were so excited to get going. They had to wait there turn, as one team left every two minutes, so all the teams were in a single-file line just waiting for there turn to get going. There were tons of people just milling around cheering on the teams, food booths, prizes, shirts, etc. It was freezing out there so it was good it only lasted a couple of hours, but so much fun. 

Brandt underneath one of the four antler arches in downtown Jackson. Apparently, they let the Boy Scouts go in and gather the antlers from the elk refuge and, for a lack of anything better to do with them, built these huge arches and strung lights around them.

The next day we headed back to town square and browsed around the shops for a couple of hours. They weren't very busy, I'm assuming because everyone was on the slopes. It was cool how you could see the skiiers in the distance coming down on a run - it looked like so much fun. Some of them were going so fast down these seemingly really steep runs. Someday Brandt and I are going to learn how to ski. Or snowboard. But for now we were satisfied with shopping :) After that we got on the road and headed to Grand Teton National Park. We passed the elk refuge and saw thousands of elk just chillin' out on this open plain. A hunter's dream no doubt. Or a wolves dream - talk about an all-you-can-eat buffet! Once we got into the park, we headed to the visitor's center for our guided snowshoe tour.  This was another great find of Mr. Hines: a two hour ranger-guided snowshoe hike for five buckaroos apiece. Can't beat that. It was our first time snowshoeing, and I must say it was harder than it looks! It took a few minutes to get the hang of it, but we were both very proud of the fact that we didn't fall down.

The Grand Tetons (P.S. did you know "tetons" is French for "breasts"? They named the mountains The Grand Breasts - silly Canadians)

Ranger Nik - our tour guide. He taught us all about elk, bison, moose, wolves, and the little critters that live in the area.

Here we are looking at tracks in the snow of a bird of some sort (if you look close you can see the feather imprints in the snow). Ranger Nik says he probably swooped down while trying to catch his prey. (sidenote: Ranger Nik's backpack is just like Mary Poppin's carpet bag - he had a gold mine in there! Seriously, we were amazed at how much came out of that bag. Everything from real animal skulls and teeth, to a full wolve's skin, elk's leg, stuffed animals, etc. All kinds of hidden treasures in there.)

This is just to illustrate how MUCH snow they had up there. CRAZY! They've gotten over 300" so far this season.

After our tour, we hung out at the visitor's center for a bit and looked at the displays (sidenote: shout out to our friends the Moultons - they had a picture and a little blurp about the famous Moulton barn). After that, we headed on home. We had so much fun on our quick getaway. Next time we'll have to plan a bit more ahead and invite some people to come with us! Any takers?